Someone asked me this earlier and I said I’m not doing a diet I’m changing my eating habits.
She pressed me for a response “Come on you must be doing a diet?”
I responded that I am taking a combination of everything I’ve learned from years of yo-yo dieting, everything that has worked for me in terms of weight loss, everything that I have enjoyed eating or cooking, everything that has helped me in the past to steer clear of danger zones, to cope with eating out, to cope with celebration meals, to cope with holidays and I’m adding it all into the mix. I’m also throwing in all I know about exercise and my body as well. On top of that I’m being honest with myself, I’m being honest about how I got here and how hard it’s going to be to get out. I’m healing myself holistically, inside and out, mentally and physically. She was happy with that, although a tad confused. It’s made me think now though…
This is my last chance, it’s now or never, I’m not going to even pretend I have a life for much longer if I don’t deal with this now, I have to do this or else I am not going to be around to try again, to have another failed attempt. It doesn’t matter how I’m doing it, it matters why I’m doing it.
If I don’t do this I’m not going to see my beautiful daughter get married or be there holding her hand when she brings my grandchild into the world, I’m not going to see what kind of husband and father I have raised my son to be, I will never experience the joy of being the mother in law, I will never know how it feels to retire, I will never get to do all of those old lady things I so look forward to (old ladies can get away with anything :P), I’m never going to see the places I’ve yet to see, I’m never going to experience love and affection with a man again. It will be game over, I’m not even going to try to fool myself that I have anything different to look forward to.
I hate who I have become and yet ironically I finally believe that I am a good person. I’ve spent my life loving other people, now I want to love me, I want to love me more than I have ever thought to in the past. It’s ironic that now I’m old enough to see my own virtues through the haze of the smog thrown up by the wrong people I’ve surrounded myself with I’m so damaged that I can’t even like myself! Now ain’t that a kick in the head?
It has to change now and it will. It really will.
So… now I’ve got that off my chest I can go back to the original point of this quick post and ask which diet are you guys doing?