So everyone knows I hate scales but I gave in after week one because I needed to know. So on week two I weighed in for the first time in how long I don’t know and I was destroyed to see how much I had hurt myself and the damage I had caused when I saw the number. BUT I didn’t let it deter me, I used it to fuel my determination.
So I don’t know what I ‘lost’ the first week which is usually my biggest loss but this second week I lost 8lbs!!!
Anyone following me knows I eat well (healthily but lots) and that I do moderate exercise at the moment (walking & 20 mins of dancing per day, plus an increase in usual activity; more trips upstairs, getting things myself rather than asking the kids, cleaning out rooms, gardening)
I’m trying to do this for life in a sustainable way. I’m trying to understand food and my mental approaches to it.
At the end of this second week what is more important to me than what I have lost, is what I have gained.
- I have gained a deeper understanding of my own personal issues
- I’ve gained some self belief, I’m starting to like me again
- I have gained in health. There is a huge list of benefits already.
- I have gained a fantastic group of people from around the world who support, inspire, amuse and motivate me as well as touch me with their understanding of the psychological side of obesity and make me realise I’m not the only one, I’m not weird, I’m not odd, I’m just dealing with an illness that is shared by many, spoken of honestly by few and understood by even less.
I’m going to do this, I am. I might falter at times but I am going to get there. I deserve to be me, the me on the inside, hidden by these layers of fat and one by one I’m peeling them off and one day in the future I will be free of the shackles of this condition. I owe it to myself and I owe it to my beautiful children who support me beyond belief and who love me regardless of what size I am but deserve to have their mum around to see them well into adulthood.
Thank you everyone for reading and commenting and for your own blogs I read as much as I possibly can and I lap up every word. Keep it coming I have a LONG road ahead, but what a great first step.
Oh and Tracey… she’s the extra person I carry on my back, it’s my long term goal, to wipe Tracey out. She sits at the top right of my blog to remind me. She’s divided into 7lb pieces and today I had the enormous pleasure of not only wiping a whole section of Tracey out, but of knowing I’m already 1lb in credit for the next section. 6lbs to go and two parts of Tracey will be history. I’ve gone for the random selection of chunks to remove as proposed by my daughter. The kids are taking it in turns to select parts to remove, it’s a big childish for them but they’re humouring me as they know how important this is. We have an A1 Tracey at home on the dining room wall too and the same piece of her has been ceremoniously removed today.