So where have the weeks gone? I’m heading towards a month of this new lifestyle and I can not say it has been tough. I seem to have slotted into my new eating habits and routines really easily. But then there are two things to thank for that:
1. I recognised that my head was in the right place to tackle this and acted on that knowledge
2. I have had the support, distraction and therapy of my blog
Without doubt it is essential to be in the right mind set to tackle a huge change in lifestyle. You have to want to do it for all of the right reasons. I’ve tried so many times in the past to do it to fit into a dress, to prepare for a wedding or holiday, because someone said something nasty… it doesn’t work. It has to be motivated by a greater need, a more long term desire and not just a defiant response to something external. Such things may serve as catalysts and they may serve as interim targets but you have to really want to change to effect change and that comes from a deeper seated desire and need which bolsters you mentally to challenge the issues you have head on.
I recognised I was ready for change, the obvious indicators being a sense of my own mortality and how I was hastening my demise, a sense of not having done things I want to do yet and not wanting that end to happen just yet, wanting to fend it off for as long as possible, wanting to spend more time with my kids. At some points in my life I have prayed just to make it through to see my kids grown up, even plea bargained with God to get me to a point where my daughter is at least 15 (no idea where I plucked that figure from) so that she would not forget me and lessons I’d taught her, but than I extended that to my son being 15, I wanted an idea of what he would look like as a man. Now I’m almost there, 6 months and the boy reaches 15, and it’s not enough I want to see him as a man, i want to be a grandma, my side of the bargain changed and I want a life after children. I couldn’t see one before, I couldn’t see the need for one (ain’t that sad?) but honestly, even though I’ve always had my own life, my priority was getting them grown, beyond didn’t matter. It matters now. That was a huge turning point, a massive difference to my motivation to change this time. For the first time ever I see the changes as affecting the rest of my life, not just up to a holiday, up to a wedding, up to getting into a dress that was tight. This time it’s a forever feeling and that has made a huge difference to my approach.
The other thing has been my blog, that has led me on a different journey entirely. It’s my therapy, I talk to myself and I listen through it, I run through some things I’d rather not think about in My Journey To Fat pages, things which I need to spill out at last and understand how and why I have used food, why I’ve yo-yo’d all these years, why I have a self destruct button when it comes to eating. This has helped me know myself, be honest with myself, open up and examine my issues in the cold light of day and not only that expose them for others to comment on. Something I would never have done in any other way, my blog allows me the privacy to talk to myself with someone else listening in without detracting from that privacy. It’s almost like a virtual cyber confessional box and those who read what I write are like my priests, listening sometimes, offering advice sometimes, offering support sometimes, letting me know I’m not the only one sometimes and that is invaluable to me that is a huge difference this time.
Then there’s the fun side of blogging, the laughs, the anecdotal accounts of experiences in all things, the sharing of creativity and talent, the sharing of tips and ideas, recipes and just sharing of every day life which draw you in and which make you feel a part of a global community of writers who don’t mind if you read what they write and don’t mind if you don’t.
These two things see me here 22 days in and going strong. One of my biggest achievements: I ate chocolate at Easter, one day out of 22 and it didn’t matter. It was OK because for 21 days I didn’t eat chocolate and for once in my life I saw that as being just fine. I didn’t think I’d been a piggy glutton and get sad and devour all of the other chocolate that was lying around, I had my little piece of heaven and was happy with that. I felt normal.
Thank you to everyone who shares my journey or little parts of it, you really don’t know how much of a difference you are making. You are helping to save my life, quite literally. How wonderful is that? If you’re feeling a bit down, a bit useless today, a bit unwanted, unappreciated, without purpose pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you are a life saver, because you are to me and I appreciate that beyond that which I have the capacity to express. Feel good about that 😀