Socialising and Weightloss

I was trying to arrange a day in London, meeting up with a friend, this was the conversation – what I say goes first in the transcript.

“I’m going to come in on the train so shall we meet at Kings Cross or do you want to meet somewhere else? I’ll get there for about 9am”

“Will you have breakfast on the train?”

“Probably not, I’ll have something before I leave”

“Oh, why not have a late breakfast I’ll come to Kings Cross and we can go to that lovely little cafe where we went last time and have a good hearty breakfast to set us up for the day”

“OK we’ll see what happens, I will probably eat before I leave home because I’m being careful of what I eat and trying to stick to a routine as I told you the other day.”

“OK then, we’ll go there or there’s a lovely place in Covent Garden, if we jumped on a train up to there we could have breakfast, they do the best eggs benedict”

“Well, we’ll see what happens.”

So do you fancy a stroll up Oxford Street or along the embankment?

“Yeah, anything I wouldn’t mind having a good stroll along the embankment to be honest, see the old sights, river watch…”

“Oh I know we’ll go for lunch on a river boat, there’s a really good mini cruise and lunch offer at the moment on one of them I spotted it today I’ll have a look and book us a place”

“OK that will be great, I do love lunch on the river”

“Oh me too.”

“I wanted to go and have a look at one of the new exhibitions in the British museum.”

“Oh great, which one, we’ll go in the afternoon and then we can definitely pop to Covent Garden and have coffee, or why don’t we go to the Haagen Dazs restaurant, they do delicious deserts, or we could go for afternoon tea somewhere posh I’ll see where I can get us in at short notice.”

“Oh ice cream and afternoon tea are not really on my radar at the minute, I couldn’t resist and so I’d rather not.”

“Oh go on, a little treat won’t hurt we can always make amends by  having sushi for dinner before you head back. We are having dinner before you catch your train home aren’t we?”

I gave in at that point. It was clear that my day out was going to consist of stuffing my face, stuffing my face and stuffing my face some more.

It made me realise how so much of what we do, our socialising revolves around food. I really didn’t want it to, I wanted to walk, be active and mobile, put some good stuff into my brain, learn something, appreciate something, add a little culture to my life, exercise, soak in the city atmosphere not visit as many eateries as possible in 10 hours.

She’s thin, it’s OK for her to spend a day eating.

But then I thought, is it her or is it me? Did I plan all of my ‘fun’ to include food, are my friends used to it, do they see me coming and think “Cake”?

I thought more and realised that when my friends come over to visit they expect food, because I give them food, I have a reputation as the one who gives you a good feed no matter when you drop by. I always have/had something to feed anyone who came by and it was part of my nature, the way I do hospitality to offer food and drinks to anyone who drops in.

Food just is part of my social life, it’s how I have fun… at least one of the ways I have fun. I’ve even incorporated food into sex and it’s never been a nice salad I can tell you.

I’m glad I’m changing, I’m glad that my friend irritated me because it shows that I’m changing the way I think and it shows that I am addressing my relationship issues with food and I’m getting things right. I’m not there yet, I’m on the way and have a way to go but I’m making some inroads and that’s a good thing.

I’ve postponed my visit, I don’t think I’m ready for that level of temptation yet but I will be soon and I’ll make the visit and I’ll either feel stronger to tell my friend “No, I’m really NOT eating anything unhealthy and I’m not breaking my routine, this matters to me” or at least have confidence in my own abilities to chose healthy options wherever I go and to stand my ground when it comes to places I know there will be no healthy options.

I don’t want my visit to be about food, I want it to be about friendship and fun and if food is involved I don’t want my visit to focus on it or revolve around it, I’ll eat because I’m hungry not because food is there.

Small steps… that’s what it’s all about.

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10 thoughts on “Socialising and Weightloss”

  1. It’s amazing how things seem to always revolve around food these days. People think I don’t “like” certain foods now (Mexican food) for whatever reason. It’s not that I don’t like it ( I lovvvve it), it’s that it’s not healthy. I’ve decided that people can choose whatever they want and I’ll just make the healthiest choice I can from the menu, and it there is nothing available, then water is good. 🙂 Stay strong!!!!!

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  2. This is so true! I’ve really had to alter the way I socialize with others. I’ve found that when I can’t help but be at a restaurant, that unsweetened hot tea seems to keep me satisfied. Luckily, most of my friends are very understanding.

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    1. I think that mine either don’t see the need for me to lose weight they believe I’m happy as I am which I’m not and have never professed to be or they are used to me going on ‘diets’ although it’s a while since I went on one and I’ve tried telling them this time is different but we must at times sound like a broken record.

      I find most people around me have no faith in my ability to lose weight probably because in the past I’ve lost it only to put it and more back on.

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      1. I’m sorry that those around you doubt your ability to lose weight. I think the only person who needs to have solid faith in your ability is you!
        I know I’ve tried and failed many times over the past 15 years to lose. Many of those times my heart wasn’t in the program and I couldn’t wait to get the weight off so I could go back to my old eating patterns. This time feels very different to me, too. I have no desire to go back to my old, exhausted, unhealthy self.
        Your success over time will prove your naysayers wrong, but the only person you really need to prove anything to is yourself. I think you’re doing great!! Keep this up for you and your health!! 🙂

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        1. Thank you your words are very true and very inspirational, sometimes I think we feel the need to have someone to believe in us too but you’re right as long as we believe in ourselves that’s the important thing.

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  3. Ugh, it’s so tough. Seems like everything revolves around food. I thought your friend seemed a bit insensitive to your goal to get healthy. Maybe before you go, you could plan the day and the restaurants. Tell your friend, here’s what I’d like us to do. Maybe she would be ok with your plan. It’s easier to cave to temptation when you don’t have a plan. Maybe there’s a neat new cafe with healthy options you could explore. I just heard of one in my area and I’m going to take my husband there for lunch Friday (his suggestion was the corned beef/pastrami sandwich deli). Yeah, he’s a bit insensitive to my goals…

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    1. I did feel like I was banging my head against a wall, even when I said I was trying to eat healthy she didn’t listen. I maybe shouldn’t say I’m trying to… I should say I AM eating healthy

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      1. Yeah, maybe there’s a way to get her to listen. It’s so much easier for me if I feel I have the support of others, but if I don’t, I have to find a way to be strong (I’m still working on both those!)

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  4. I do the same with my friends. Maybe just say let’s compromise on one thing or center activity on doing something that does not require food. Or if you do decide you can try to eat healthier alternatives. It’s hard! 🙂

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