Feeling Like I’m on The Biggest Loser

Sunday’s delayed post:

I know it’s weigh day tomorrow and I’m not very hopeful with regard to my success this week in my quest to lose weight.  I decided a couple of hours ago now to take to the treadmill in an attempt to shed some last minute ounces… knowing it doesn’t happen like that. What do they call it on the show? “Last chance work out” or something?

I started off walking and then realised that wasn’t going to do much damage at all so I decided to put on some running shoes (both myself and the kids laugh when I ask where my running shoes are… we can’t deny the irony associated with the word ‘running’ and anything like what I do).

Of course up to this point I had been wearing ‘walking’ shoes and as my hilarious daughter pointed out, at least buying them was a step up from ‘rolling around helpless’ shoes which is the only footwear I was heading towards ever requiring.

So, suitably attired in running shoes and with my son accompanying me on his new guitar with some lively running music I embarked on my slow jog on a slight incline at first.

I had to stop after a couple of strides to go and change into my new ‘running’ bra, I’d forgotten about that hammock like contraption which I’d purchased while we were away. While I was changing I thought I’d give the kids a laugh and cut off some black leggings, making them more like lycra cycling shorts and I swapped my baggy tee shirt for a rather snug vest top and put my toweling hair band (used for when I’m doing my beauty routine), around my head a la John McEnroe.

Needless to say when I descended I was met with raucous laughter and slow clapped back onto the treadmill. My daughter took a photo which she promised was purely for posterity and would never be shown or shared with anyone other than the three of us unless I expressly gave my permission. I hope one day to have the guts (or lack thereof) to be able to share it with you just for the sheer fun of it.

By now over half an hour had passed since I first decided to have my jog. I turned on the machine, I started to jog, five or six paces, slowly at first and then starting to gain some rhythm I notched the machine up, ten or so paces, I was going strong, this was going to burn off a good 10lbs I was certain of it, I was there for the long haul, I would fight through the pain and breathlessness when they both hit and just like they do on the show I would notch up one mile and then another and then another.

Just then the forgotten oven timer sounded and everything stopped for dinner. I apologise for my lack of focus but slow cooked lamb with seasonal vegetables comes first and I was excused my inappropriate dinner dress, just this once.

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9 thoughts on “Feeling Like I’m on The Biggest Loser”

    1. Haha, it was soooooo 80’s Richard Simmons, I was wearing make up too so if I’d managed to break a sweat it could well have ended up a Richard/Gene Simmons mash up… seriously that photo will take some bribery to ever make it onto the net.

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  1. The picture in my head is hilarious — having seen bits of The Biggest Loser now and then, mostly ads. I don’t know how people don’t drop dead on that show! I suppose they test them for fitness and get really heathy people like yourself who just happen to be big. The scales aren’t the best judge of weight loss, clothing is best. There are so many variables relying on what the scales say on any given day. That said, I know we can’t resist seeing what they say anyway! Certainly incentive when the weigh-in looms. 🙂

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  2. What amazes me about this is that you CAN jog or run. I can’t. I mean that – I cannot. If I try to, I start almost instantly to fall over. As well, the weight being pounded into the floor/pavement/grass is appalling. I simply can’t do it ! 😦

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    1. I’ve always been light on my feet for a fat person but I’ve never been a runner, far too self conscious for that so this home treadmill jogging is so liberating for me. My dad’s nickname for me was “deli” a shortening of delicate. As I was so tall and never the most slender of people it was an irony that he didn’t miss. My daughter is very delicate visually (nothing like me, she has tiny wrists and the most elegant hands and fingers and a really slender neck which I would never achived even as a skeleton) but she is so heavy footed. I remember once I went to observe a ballet lesson and I had to stifle my giggles as she thundered across the floor. By far the most elegant looking of the budding ballerinas until she moved… if only there was a role for a ballet dancer who didn’t leave the spot! Haha, she was like a rhino hurtling across the room and when she leaped (make no mistake it was high and long and well formed) she made the whole room shudder on impact. I mentioned to the teacher that I didn’t imagine the Sadler’s Wells stage could cope with that hammering and she agreed. Good job she decided she preferred acting and singing classes.

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