Honest

You know, when we’re super morbidly obese or whatever the terminology for massive people like me nowadays is, we hide certain things out of shame or embarrassment, things which we find difficult or impossible to do for ourselves simply because there’s too much fat in the way to be able to function normally anymore.

I feel now that I can come clean about one such thing I have kept a secret and which has really upset me over recent months and that is that nobody ever knew that the reason I don’t use the bathroom with the gorgeous shower cubicle in this house is that I couldn’t fit in through the door. It’s one of those sliding glass doors. I did achieve it once when I first moved into this house but it was tough going and I only got out again because I was wet and slippery but even so I noticed the rollers that enable the sliding door mechanism to work were in danger of being ripped from their tracks so I thought best not to try again.

It’s a really cute bathroom too, much nicer than the one I have to use because it just has an over bath shower. Admission number two… my name is Michelle and I’m morbidly obese… I couldn’t have a bath either as it was so uncomfortable, nothing was getting cleaned in there and getting out was a trauma, once I was trapped in there like a hamster in a slippery roller cage trying to clamber up the incline to reach a towel hanger so I could haul myself out (you can laugh at the mental picture, I did at the time and still do now). I think I posted already about my success at being able to bath again some time ago.

I fit in the shower now, I won’t say I nimbly weave myself through the gap without touching the sides, but I don’t have to use my hands to drag parts of me through and I don’t have to take a breather, wedged with one boob either side of the sliding door like I did the first time I tried either and the rollers are not in danger of busting off the tracks.

I’m telling this story not just to demonstrate my progress with losing weight but also to just be honest. When I was stuck in the shower door, when I couldn’t take a bath I was so sad, I imagined I was the only person in the world to feel that shame and to be in such a predicament, to sit sobbing in my towel wishing I could do something to stop this awful damage I was doing to myself and then eating some cake to cheer myself up.

I just want to be honest and give some hope to anyone else in the same boat, that you are not the only person to get stuck in the shower or bath and encourage anyone feeling miserable about it by saying that you can make some small changes to your life which will make those embarrassments a thing of the past in a very short time. Every journey starts with a single step and is made up of lots more single steps nothing more nothing less… you can do it little by little.

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3 thoughts on “Honest”

  1. Michelle, I never imagined what it was like for a very large person to use a shower cubicle or bath and the trauma you share really made my jaw drop. I appreciate your honesty and thank you so much for sharing.

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    1. There are a lot of things which make obese people hate themselves more and more, these things are hidden pieces of the cycle of depression and self loathing that make those of us who are emotional eaters turn to food. They are difficult to talk about as we are often feeling ashamed that we let ourselves get to that point. I just wanted anyone in the same boat to know that they are not feeling that way alone, their problems are shared and understood and they are surmountable. It’s amazing how quickly you can recover the ability to do those kinds of things with just a little weight loss and through increasing agility and strength through activity.

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