Progress Update

I’ve turned another corner. I want to update on my progress not just based on size &ย weight and today’s an update where those two things pale into insignificance next to the emotional progress I’ve made.

I’ve been very cautious about socialising, meeting up with friends, attending functions and dining out because I didn’t quite trust myself yet to be able to make the right decisions when I was dropped in the middle of the candy shop. It’s safe at home where there are no foodie temptations and where my exercise bits and bobs are, my DVD’s and treadmill and whatever.

These few days have given me a real boost because I realise I’m stronger than I thought and I am able to live my life now rather than wait for some distant future date when I can. I can trust myself now and that’s going to have a huge impact on the way my life will change from here on. I have more or less been a recluse for two years and these past few months I’ve ventured out a little but now I feel that I’m ready to re-engage with life full on. That’s a big step emotionally for me and I’m quite proud of myself. I know it’s taken the love of a good friend to kind of lead me and I’m grateful for that and I’m not downplaying the importance of that but at the end of the day I’m not giving him all of the credit either. I did this and I’m proud of myself. I’m having this moment of glory and for want of a better cliche, I’m owning it.

I can easily make healthy choices in restaurants, I can find ways to exercise when my usual routine is upset and my equipment is not around, I can be in a house with a big filled cookie jar and not eat any, I can entertain guests without feeling I’m forcing them to be on a diet, I can allow myself treats in moderation. All of this is part of being a normal person, part of being a slim healthy person who doesn’t wage a constant losing battle with food. I’m not there yet physically, but mentally I’ve made huge strides to being the person I want to be. What is more I feel attractive again already and I feel worthy of being loved, I feel confident, I feel optimistic and positive, I feel I have a contribution to make to life beyond my work and motherhood. I don’t mean this all in a romantic way, not at all, it’s not as shallow as that, this is not about anyone else, it’s about me. I don’t want to feel attractive to anyone else, I just want to feel attractive… full stop… for me if that makes any sense. I don’t want a particular person to love me in a particular way, I just want to feel worthy of the love of whoever loves me for whatever reason.

I knew I’d turned a corner on the night of the party, when Nick came into my room after I’d finished getting ready and he said “You’re still very beautiful you know”. I didn’t blush or cringe or tell him to shut up, or disbelieve him I said “I know I am” and he said “Good”. It was the honest truth. I wasn’t being big headed or conceited, after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but for once in my life I was able to hear that compliment and believe it, not be flattered by it but believe it. I’m on the way to loving myself, not again but for the first time and it’s new and exciting and I’m flushed with all that jumble of emotion of first love and it’s amazing and it’s better than feeling love for anyone else. I’m happy. I’m not on the road to happy, I’m there. If that isn’t the best progress update ever I don’t know what is and I didn’t mention a weight loss or inch loss at all. I could get on the scale now and find I’m still the same as last time or I’ve even gained a pound but I’m still winning. Some of the best things in life can not be measured.

Have a great Sunday x

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25 thoughts on “Progress Update”

  1. I want to hit the “like” button a hundred times!!! What a positive post :). So thrilled for you and proud of the mindset shift you have achieved!

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  2. …. I need this kind of positivity and general good-feeling more than anything right now! It just reminded me to keep focus even if the measurements don’t show what I want to see on my weigh in days… Keep up the positive focus! You’re beautiful and absolutely awesome!

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    1. I’m counting on you guys to be filling the blogsphere with your positive tales as I’m going to have days when I really need them to keep me going. We can’t become complacent with this it’s a life time change and challenge. Great thing is I know that when I need a boost I’ll find it in a post on here from one of you guys who is on or has been on the trek to a new you. Love blogging ๐Ÿ˜€

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  3. This is so wonderful! So often weight loss success can’t be measured on the scale! You must truly be commended for being able to have contraband foods in the house. This is something that I still struggle with and am working on!

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    1. It wasn’t in my house, I was at a friend’s and left alone with a cookie jar shouting me from the kitchen. I wouldn’t have anything like that in my house too dangerous, I’m not that strong yet ๐Ÿ˜€

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  4. Reblogged this on tastyworkouts and commented:
    Everyone should read this, because THAT’S what changing your habits is all about. It’s not about the dress size or the number on the scale, but about how you feel about yourself! That’s honesty the best ‘weight loss’ progess I’ve ever read.

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  5. You are an inspiration, Michelle. I have managed – all of 2014 so far – to not notice the box of chocolates in the bottom of the fridge from last Xmas. You know those ones, the wrapped mini chocolate bars, including yummy coconut and … stop it, Christine! It helps that they are in a brown paper bag. ๐Ÿ˜€ Willpower rules.

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    1. Well done! I’m not sure I could have done that. I was clearing out my kitchen cupboards the other day and found two large family sized bars of chocolate (my daughter had made some brownies for a friend and I can only assume these were left over which she’d hidden from me and then forgotten about). I stood with them in my hands, looking at them for a while and then threw them in the bin, it was hard but I was glad I did that. I couldn’t have kept them in the house I would have given in at some point. I long for the day when I can have things like that in the house and not eat them or at least not eat them all in one go, that will be the ultimate sign of success for me when I can do that. I was the same when I stopped smoking, I was fine until someone brought cigarettes to my house then I would be struggling so bad. I remember after 6 months of stopping my niece came to stay and she left a pack with a lighter in my back porch and everyone had gone to the park and I picked them up so many time, even took one out a few times and in the end I had to screw them up and throw them in the bin and buy her some more when she came back. I am no good with temptation like that. I’m doing great with resisting it outside of the house which is a huge step but nowhere near being able to do that in the house yet… maybe I never will be but I’d like to think that the day will come when I can do it. As I said that will be the ultimate demonstration of my having changed my attitude around completely ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  6. The measurable progress doesn’t last if there is no change in heart. It is so wonderful to be in control of your life and choices. Thank you for the positive message! I wish you best of luck!

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  7. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Dieting and weight are very sensitive topics and I am glad some bloggers are writing on it both with a sense of humor and a serious nature. Thanks for sharing the posts with me! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please comment on their post.

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    1. Oh thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ I never set out to inspire I wanted to be inspired but I guess we all have our story to tell and if someone finds mine useful in any way then that humbles me. Thank you for your kind words.

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  8. What a great post! I just followed you to stay updated on your future posts and I look forward to them. I recently started my own personal blog, so feel free to check out my profile where you’ll find my blog and social media sites.

    Have a great day ๐Ÿ˜€

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  9. Two things:

    First, when I read your tagline at the top about the ‘fat demon’ I just grinned from ear to ear. That is so funny. I don’t why, but you brightened my evening.
    Secondly, I love what you say about wanting to feel attractive / be happy for yourself. That is such an emotionally healthy thing to do. This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot this year – if I am are secure and confidant for myself, it will lead to so many other good things. But even if it didn’t, I would still want to be like that. I guess it’s a bit like being your own best friend. It’s not that other people can’t have wonderful impacts on our lives. It’s knowing that at the end of the day, you are all you really need.

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    1. Thank you for this comment, you are absolutely right and have put into words what I would have struggled with. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for letting me know I brightened your evening, that’s an awesome thing to have done ๐Ÿ˜€

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    1. thank you, I hope so too. I’m pretty sure I will have wobbles, but I think I’m just into this as a lifestyle thing now that I’m unsinkable. I have strategies in mind for when/if there is a stumble but right now I’m trying to rack up the positives to keep me going ๐Ÿ˜€

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