Negativity

Negativity breeds and spreads. I realised this more than ever after reading through my Facebook news feed when I got home. 

I sat down at my desk with a lovely cup of white organic tea (no milk or sugar of course) and decided to see what I’d been missing on Facebook. The sun was shining through the window, it was open, there was a warm breeze, I could hear the seagulls, I had some lovely music on and all was good with the world, I felt happy.

biscuits_1872434i
Tea and bickies as Brit as it gets

Thirty minutes later I stood up, plodded into the kitchen flicked on the kettle for another cup and started to feel like I needed something sweet to go with it. Biscuits were my real downfall, a packet stood no chance with me. Biscuits and cookies are easy to eat, they’re just there, they taste good, they go down fast and I used to use them to soothe my troubled soul. I realised I didn’t have a troubled soul, so why was I craving one?

I’ve learned to feel the craving and then question where it’s coming from. I thought about it and realised that I was feeling a little bit down, I was not as happy as I had been last time I flicked the kettle on and the thought of a biscuit was nowhere on my radar, this time I was in a very different mood and yet only a few minutes had passed. How could this change of mood have happened so quickly?

I realised that almost every post I’d read on Facebook had been miserable. I finished making my tea and went back to check and there were 15 status updates by one friend which were all doom laden, woe is me, my life is intolerable. All attempts at advice were rejected and more woe laid on top. Another friend clocked up 6 miserable posts. Another, a colleague, managed to share 11 dismal sad news stories, most sensationalist or ridiculous when examined further. Amongst a huge swathe of status updates spanning at least a week there was one, just one solitary piece of good news… someone had secured a new job.

I sat back in my chair and thought about the authors of these posts, none had suffered a bereavement, a loss of income, a relationship breakdown, none were ill, their families were healthy and well, they’re all decently well off financially and quite secure… on the surface there is nothing to be miserable about.

I realised that reading all of that doom and gloom had actually affected my mood and had made me feel sad and had me reaching for food as comfort when there was actually nothing wrong with me, I was perfectly happy until I started to read all of that negativity. I realised it was so ‘normal’ that I’d been oblivious to it being there as I’d read yet it had clearly been silently depressing me. 

imagesI chose to delete everyone from my Facebook who I realised frequently or always posts negative thoughts and comments. I know some of them will be offended and I’m happy to explain honestly my reasons why.  These people are ruining my enjoyment of life. I love social media but when it impacts on us in such a way I think we have to be real about how powerful it can be and take some remedial action to prevent it altering who we are.

I don’t want to look at the world through rose tinted specs, I know people struggle and need support but come on, all of the time? Nothing good ever happens? We’re alive! If that is the only thing to celebrate now and then, celebrate it just to shed some light on your own corner of the world and into other people’s lives. 

On this blog, by its nature a lot of the issues discussed are sad and deep and dark and lots of reading I do comes from painful places but there is an overwhelming sense of hope and of something better and the tough stuff is interspersed with triumphs, joys, achievements, humour and happiness in so many areas of life. I think this is another reason why I gain so much strength from blogging because it is largely positive. After reading through posts I usually feel empowered, happy, amused, stronger even when there have been tears shed and that helps me to achieve what I want to achieve.

I’m washing out negativity, I don’t want somebody else’s inability to allow some light into their life to snuff out the light within mine.

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14 thoughts on “Negativity”

  1. oh my, I could not agree more! It looks like feeling down and posting about it is in fashion now! And most enjoy being miserable because it calls for pity and cancels personal responsibility. Look, if I try to advise, they snap at me: “Sure, easy for you to say – you are in America!” or “Right, I wish I had a husband like yours!” Seriously?! Is that a grown-up attitude to one’s problems? I had to stop relations with two of my close friends cuz of their constant negativity…

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    1. This is exactly what I mean. We all have our struggles and our down days but there are people who can find nothing to be happy about and they don’t want help they just want attention for the reasons you mention. I really think it’s hard to cut out negative people but essential because it does start to drain you and I’m glad I noticed for myself, it made me wonder how many times in my life I’ve turned to food to cheer me up when I didn’t even have any issues going on and it was just shouldering other people’s crap that led me to self destruct. Never again.

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  2. I have a family member, an aunt, whom I can never ask “how are you”. She doesn’t take it as a general salutation and proceeds to unload on me every disservice that has been thrust upon her in this life. I’m much more cautious on the few times that I see her now. I’ve learned to say “Hi Aunty, I’ve missed you”. That does not open many doors for her negativity. 🙂

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    1. Haha, guys are so skillful when it comes to averting conversation, my youngest brother never speaks at all when he’s in company he says he hopes that way others will only speak to him if they want to ask him a question from that point he can control the conversation.

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  3. I completely agree with you. I cannot stand negativity! I have a close friend’s wife as a friend on facebook and every time I saw that she had left a comment I worried about what she may have said. It always has a negative tone, and it always affected my mood. I’ve now made her ‘limited’ and it doesn’t allow her to comment. Also, every few months I go through my friends list and ‘refresh’ it. It feels rejuvenating!

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  4. This is so true that the negativity of others can really affect my mood. I do enough negative thinking on my own and am really trying to change that, so I spend a lot of time seeking out blogs and people with positive attitudes that I can learn from and model. Facebook annoys me more than I like and I will occasionally unplug for a long time.

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    1. This is what I mean the people who just don’t want to try to change their lot, but then most of mine are people who on the surface have everything, sometimes I just think they moan so that they can say they have something to moan about or to reinforce the fact that they have everything.

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      1. Take your time! I got the nomination a few days ago – thank goodness there’s no time limit cos it’s a bit fiddly doing the notifications and putting it all together. Worth it in the end 🙂

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        1. It is so worth it, I said on Rob’s post that I love to try to perform the requiremetns of a nomination as that is how I began my little network back in April when I started blogging by going and checking out recommended blogs on nomination posts.

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