Phew, it’s the weekend. I made it through a week where sleep evaded me to a ridiculous degree. I started to worry that I had developed insomnia forever. I’ve always loved sleep and fall asleep ridiculously fast. I lay my head on the pillow and that’s it, I’m out for the count. But it appears that I was perhaps so hyped up with going back to work, exercise, trying to pretend I wasn’t bothered about my love drama and all manner of other things that I just could not switch off. But all is back to normal now and although I’m still a night owl, I am getting sufficient sleep again.
I got stuck into my musical life story blog today with a new post which you are welcome to go and check out. I am anticipating the arrival of Nick at around midnight tonight. He was going to try to drive up earlier but Friday traffic on one of the most popular routes out of London is not the best so I kind of asked him to delay a bit for traffic purposes and so that I could have a little nap and the boy will be in bed asleep so we can have a good talk, I don’t envisage much sleep for us.
I’ve been keeping up the exercise, it’s been lovely summery weather so the winter plan hasn’t kicked in yet, sometimes we’re really lucky and this good weather continues through to November. Fingers crossed that happens and we have a nice mild short winter.
Food wise I’ve been terrible this week. Not that I’ve eaten the wrong things, I’ve struggled to eat anything. I’ve really not had an appetite which for me is something very unusual. Even if I have a stomach bug I keep shoveling it in. I’m not sure what it is, I’ve had breakfast every day but can’t manage a lot and lunch has been something I’ve sat and stuck a fork into and then binned and dinner just hasn’t really happened, A couple of pieces of fruit and that’s about it.
I’m not going to force feed myself, my body doesn’t want food for a reason, maybe I’m adapting and instead of stuffing my face when I’m down or stressed I’m going to be one of those people I always envied who couldn’t eat. Maybe my mind is more in tune with my body now, or vice versa and I realise that food isn’t going to make me feel better. Whatever it is I hope it changes soon. I’m not keen on starvation, not because of weight loss but because it’s not healthy, I need those nutrients in my body and they are not getting there without eating them.
So much of myself I don’t understand right now. This trip to a new me is uncovering a new me I’m not quite familiar with yet, there is so much for me to adjust to and to start to understand. I don’t mean my body I’ve had one like this before, but the new me in terms of my emotional self. I’ve done a lot of work on me in my head, far more than I’ve done on my outward appearance and I do feel better without a doubt but I do think differently now. I approach things in different ways and I guess if I’m consciously doing that then I’m subconsciously doing that too. It’s all good stuff, not negative at all I like me better now I just have to accept that I’m changing my lifestyle so lots of things are going to change that I may not be aware of… like my not feeling hungry for nearly a week.
I’m drinking lots of water and when I do eat it’s fruit or a carrot or chunk of cauli-flower. Maybe tomorrow everything will click back into place.
Hope everyone’s doing well on their journey keep on, just keep on and if you fall off don’t beat yourself up just get back on tomorrow.