Who Am I To Throw My Life Away?

My mum’s had something diagnosed this week, we’re not sure yet what the nature of ‘it’ is and will find out in the new year. She’s in her 80’s. She’s lived a long and healthy life all things considered. She’s old now.

She’s scared.

She’s had 80 odd years on this Earth, she’s raised children, produced dozens of offspring counting grandchildren, great and great great grandchildren. She’s lived through a world war. She’s traveled. She’s known times of lean and times of plenty. She’s experienced loss, of not only her parents and older family  members but of one of her own children, she’s experienced joy and laughter. There is barely a trauma she hasn’t experienced directly or vicariously through her vast family.

She aches, things don’t work the way they should anymore, living is tough and yet she wants to carry on doing it, above all else she wants to carry on doing it… living.

How could I have been so hell bent on destroying myself? How could I have treated my body so bad? How could I have been shortening my life? How could I have cared so little about my life? My precious life. Not even thinking about my kids, how could I have not wanted it for me? How at half her age could I have made some kind of subconscious decision that my life wasn’t precious, it wasn’t worth fighting or trying for? Who am I to make that decision?

I’m glad I’ve made the changes I’ve made, I’m glad I’m buying more of this most precious commodity… life. There is nothing else without it.

2-DYNLRest-of-my-life-e1384304108212If you’re struggling with an eating disorder and nothing else gets through to help you find the strength and courage to make changes and live longer, just please think about that old lady and many more like her, sitting worried and scared that life could be coming to an end, imagine wanting to live longer, imagine never wanting it to come to an end, imagine all of the things you have yet to experience, all of the things yet to do and see, places to go and people to meet and know that without that change, they might not happen, without life, all hope is gone, all opportunity is gone, it is over.

Make one change for the better today, buy yourself some more life, it doesn’t cost money, just some effort, that’s all. Take a few more steps than usual, choose fruit instead of chocolate, drink water rather than a sugary drink, it all begins with one small change and then another and another until you find yourself living and wanting to live some more.

You owe it to yourself. Nobody else, just you. Do it for you.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Who Am I To Throw My Life Away?”

  1. Sorry to hear about your mum, hope ‘it’ turns out less ‘it’ than it sounds. I’m nearly 60, and getting to 80 is my current goal, it is all too easy imaging I won’t make it! I’m making lots of changes and it isn’t easy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When I’m making a change and I make them daily it seems, I just remind myself of how long it took me learn my bad habits and I resolve to make those changes step by step, even if that step is a tiny one. You will get there.

      I think she had listened too much to the woe mongers in the family and had been side tracked into thinking the worst so when I spoke to her she was very upset and down and so in my inimitable style I asked her some questions and made her think far more positively and she said she felt better after listening to me which made me feel better. Whatever it is she will face it when the time comes, for now I just didn’t want her feeling so negative and more importantly I was just struck by how precious life is, I always thought she’d been ready to shuffle off for a while but it turns out she’s not and that made me think about wanting to be 80 one day, I never thought I’d get beyond fifty but that’s way too close now for me to be happy with, I want to see what my grandchildren will look like and knowing my kids I’m going to need another thirty years before I get to see them as babies. I remember my mum saying that she would never see my son as a man but she’s nearly made it I can’t see her giving up now.

      Like

  2. I don’t think anyone is ready to shuffle off unless their quality of life leaves no other option! I’d prefer 100 to 80, but the current life expectancy rate for an Australian female of my generation is about 89 1/2 years – twenty-nine to go then, but it will be a hell of a lot less if I don’t get my weight and cholesterol down! Scary as hell. Good motivational tool, Michelle, isn’t it! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

Comments make blogging more fun

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s