My mum’s had something diagnosed this week, we’re not sure yet what the nature of ‘it’ is and will find out in the new year. She’s in her 80’s. She’s lived a long and healthy life all things considered. She’s old now.
She’s had 80 odd years on this Earth, she’s raised children, produced dozens of offspring counting grandchildren, great and great great grandchildren. She’s lived through a world war. She’s traveled. She’s known times of lean and times of plenty. She’s experienced loss, of not only her parents and older family members but of one of her own children, she’s experienced joy and laughter. There is barely a trauma she hasn’t experienced directly or vicariously through her vast family.
She aches, things don’t work the way they should anymore, living is tough and yet she wants to carry on doing it, above all else she wants to carry on doing it… living.
How could I have been so hell bent on destroying myself? How could I have treated my body so bad? How could I have been shortening my life? How could I have cared so little about my life? My precious life. Not even thinking about my kids, how could I have not wanted it for me? How at half her age could I have made some kind of subconscious decision that my life wasn’t precious, it wasn’t worth fighting or trying for? Who am I to make that decision?
I’m glad I’ve made the changes I’ve made, I’m glad I’m buying more of this most precious commodity… life. There is nothing else without it.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder and nothing else gets through to help you find the strength and courage to make changes and live longer, just please think about that old lady and many more like her, sitting worried and scared that life could be coming to an end, imagine wanting to live longer, imagine never wanting it to come to an end, imagine all of the things you have yet to experience, all of the things yet to do and see, places to go and people to meet and know that without that change, they might not happen, without life, all hope is gone, all opportunity is gone, it is over.
Make one change for the better today, buy yourself some more life, it doesn’t cost money, just some effort, that’s all. Take a few more steps than usual, choose fruit instead of chocolate, drink water rather than a sugary drink, it all begins with one small change and then another and another until you find yourself living and wanting to live some more.
You owe it to yourself. Nobody else, just you. Do it for you.