Well we dragged out the festive period as long as possible and enjoyed every second of it, even the challenging parts and they were thankfully few.
Even my first major emotional trauma was weathered and is being weathered without even a flicker of a need to turn to food for support. I am certainly winning.
I think I’m coping better with events than I would have done this time last year and that shows me that this journey to a new healthier me in mind, body and spirit is working on all fronts and I realise the holistic importance of being healthy for real now. I get how good health bolsters us to weather not just physical onslaughts from the world but mental and emotional too. And that is a good reason to get healthy because life does have a canny knack of throwing us a curve ball now and then.
As I reflected on the past year standing on the banks of the Thames wrapped in the arms of my lover and new best friend with my kids and his kids and some friends huddled just a couple of feet away, music and explosions of light filling the cold night air, the heavy chimes of Big Ben still ringing in my ears I simply felt grateful.
Grateful for all of the experiences I’d had, grateful for the learning I’d done, grateful for the growth I’d achieved as a person. Grateful for the wonderful people who I hold dear in my life who are few but excellent quality, grateful for the love I feel for them and its reciprocation, grateful for all of their opportunities, triumphs and joys.
Grateful for the strength I’d had to help turn my life around and for the people who have helped me in person or through the internet, for all of the advice, support, encouragement, empathy, recipes, humour, challenges and the boundless enthusiasm for life, for sharing, caring, spirituality and self expression through words and pictures. Grateful for all of that powerful inspiration which has carried me and cushioned me along this journey.
Most of all just grateful to be alive and to know that there is every chance I’ll be around to hear those chimes of another few new years dawning yet because I’m healing myself, I’m taking all of the damage I’ve done to myself or allowed to be done to me over the past forty something years and I’m clearing it all out, scraping off the residue of years of self loathing, of not ever feeling good enough, of self harm and disrespect for myself and the amazing person I am and I’m emerging clean and fresh and new as the person I should always have been. I’m taking back my life and I’m not done living it yet. For the strength and power to do that I am truly grateful.
As I stood reflecting I projected forward to try to imagine how I would be feeling next new years eve and all I could see was light, happiness, love and good things. I want some more of that and can’t wait to get me some.
The fight is on to complete this journey to goal and to start living as the new me, making all I’ve learned a way of life and never again going back to that awful place I’d put myself in. That’s my dream for 2015 and beyond.
I just want to leave this post on some words of wisdom from my daughter. People always comment on how she dreams big and a friend had bought her a little plaque with her name and “Shhh big dreamer at work” to hang on her bedroom door as a gift. On the reverse were some of the lyrics from a well known Disney movie song. She loved it.
She’d obviously been thinking about it and said to me as we were prepping Christmas dinner “Mum, a dream is not a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep at all. A dream is identifyng something you want and then making a conscious decision to make it happen by taking positive action towards achieving it. Don’t you think?”
“Yes most definitely” I agreed “but they’re not exactly Disney princess lyrics are they?”
“Well maybe they should be” she replied.
Make a dream or two of your own come true in 2015. You have the power to make changes.