Sometimes I’m very hard on my daughter I think.
She’s so different to me and yet so similar at the same time but sometimes she focuses on the wrong things and I have to drag her kicking and screaming back to what’s the most important.
She submitted her dissertation today, she did such a good piece of work but she totally lost interest at the end and almost missed deadline as she couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm to just make a few proof reading amendments. She didn’t seem to care and was watching trashy TV programmes instead. I tried encouragement, was met with disinterest and so I got ‘animated’ stressing how important this was to everything she wants to achieve, pointing out how many months of work she’s put in to drop it at the last second, she looked at me as if I was insane, headed upstairs, did what was required, submitted and left for work.
Now I’m not sure if she was just super laid back and didn’t feel it was worth rushing herself over a couple of amendments and I over reacted, mistook her laissez faire attitude for disinterest and totally nagged her about something she had in hand and didn’t need me to start stressing about.
I think I need to understand that she is just that, last minute Annie, she cuts everything to the wire. I wonder if it’s all part of the daredevil, kind of adrenalin junkie in her needing a fix… will I or won’t I get it uploaded before the clock strikes? I guess I want her to see that one day she might come unstuck and lose out on something which matters. Maybe I should just let that happen.
I felt like a control freak. I felt like I should let her make her mistakes and I felt I should let her live, she’s 21 at that age I was long since independent and fending for myself.
I felt worse that in her break at work she sent me a text “I know you love me mum, I hope you’re not sad that we had the ‘thing’ earlier on, I’ve got it mum, thank you for caring, but I’ve got it. I know how much this matters. Wait up for me and we’ll have cuddles and frozen yoghurt with a movie because that clotted Cornish ice cream in the freezer is definitely out of bounds”
Awwww, wait a minute… forget the dissertation, forget the altercation, we have clotted Cornish ice cream in the freezer?!!! Sh*t! How am I going to keep myself away from that?
She’s a clever one alright… call me refocused on what I need to do about my own shortcomings and happy to leave her to deal with hers.
Breaking The Yo-Yo 
I’m the worst at waiting for that last moment. And my oldest inherited that from me. I agree with you, it just be how they deal with it.
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My son is like me, he thinks of the what ifs and gives himself plenty of lee way to make sure he meets his deadlines. She’s like their dad, I think it’s an adrenalin thing, maybe it keeps her on her toes.
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Such a sweet text from your daughter! It’s really hard as a parent to let our kids make their own mistakes…
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So true, I should know that by now but I guess it’s a hard lesson for us to learn. I should have more faith in her handling of her own affairs, maybe I’m a bit controlling but in a nice way I hope.
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It sounds like your daughter understands all that and really appreciates you for you. I’ve been way too ‘controlling’ of my kids (or they would tell you that LOL)
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She knew that I would be stewing over it and her way of forgiving me and distracting me with the ice cream torture was typical of her… get mum’s mind onto something else so she can let go of an issue and move on. My favourite ice cream in the freezer certainly did that and what is more I didn’t eat any, I didn’t even go look at it, I left well alone and went to bed amazed at my own will power.
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That’s awesome!
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