It is definitely working, either the home fermenting I’m doing or the reduction in intake of food or the steady three meals a day instead of gorging at night, whatever it is is working.
Tonight I had quite a big meal, not a cheat day but definitely the biggest meal I’ve had for a long time, with red meat and quite a hefty carb helping. All low fat but I’ve been avoiding too many carbs and lots of red meat so it was a bit of a system shock.
I could barely get past a few mouths full and came nowhere near being able to finish my helping. I never used to leave food on my plate, ever.
So it’s a real big step for me to feel satisfied, to recognise the signs that my stomach has had enough and to stop eating, leave food and not feel compelled to cram it in regardless.
Whatever I’m doing is working, I don’t care if it’s working fast or slow, it’s working, it’s making my body and mind work together in a more healthy way, my brain is finally listening to my stomach and developing a conscience and this is significantly different to any time I’ve ever ‘dieted’ or tried to live healthy in the past.
For the first time in a long time today I felt confident in my appearance too. I wore a whole new outfit coutesy of my daughter a few posts back. I had a new trouser suit (black of course I’m not brave enough for my main outfit colour to be anything but yet and besides it was a dull cold day) but I wore it with a really pretty daisy print swing cami top (I haven’t worn prints in so long I can’t remember the last time), I wore a little cute delicate chiffon scarf which was in one of the colours picked out from the top, I wore the same colour sling back low heeled pointed toe court shoes and cute daisy ear rings and a daisy costume jewellery ring. I had my usual work bag (read virtual suitcase) but I also took a new bowling bag style handbag in the same orangey colour as the shoes and scarf and I felt a spring in my step. I could feel myself walking tall again and realised I’d taken to hunching and shuffling rather than my former rigid backed strut.
I feel like I’m coming back to life. I really do. I thought I was gone, I thought my time to be happy, sexy, confident was all gone and I’d even mourned it all but it’s coming back and it’s exciting and I’m happy. My heart feels content and I don’t feel stressed.
I hope this feeling stays.
To anyone who is in the morbid or even super morbidly obese range and feels that the mountain is too big to climb, just start climbing it. Yes it will take a long time to lose 100 pounds or 200 pounds or 300 pounds, it will take a long time, but I tell you this, you don’t have to wait for all of the weight to leave your body before your body starts to feel good again and more importantly for your mind to feel good again. For me that has come after a few weeks and 13 pounds of weight loss. Yes there is a mountain ahead but now I’m ready to tackle that mountain, step by step, little by little and I will get to the top.
Don’t deprive your body of food, put good stuff into it and you will get good stuff back out of it. Get your body moving even if it’s just standing up and jiggling about to some music, it’s a start, if it’s more than you were doing it’s using more calories than you’ve used in a long time and that will start to make you feel better and it’s amazing how fast your fitness starts to pick up. It’s like your body sings a great big hallelujah for treating it well and it spurs you on with these early rewards.