Nudist Beach

Just had a funny memory prompted by this post:  The Write Might

We were on holiday in Greece one year when we bought ice creams and wandered over to a beach to sit and eat them. We’d only been there a couple of minutes when a huge German guy started to approach us. He must have been 6’7 and weighed close to 30 stones.

My partner, sensing as I had that we’d chosen the wrong beach for our family ice cream chomping scene, began to gather our things and try to avert my daughter’s gaze while I gathered up my 2 year old son. But as 2 year old’s are he was fascinated by the approaching nude guy and no matter which way I turned he found an opening to peek through.

The guy arrived where we were standing (my partner and daughter having escaped much more efficiently, I’d had to try to wrestle my inquisitive, heavy, big for age son and get feet into sandy evasive flip flops at the same time). Anyway he said in quite a menacing tone:

“Madam, zis is a nudist beach. You must vacate zis beach at once.” (forgive my German accent, I’m trying to make this an authentic experience) “You av to remove your clothes if you wish to remain and children are not allowed”

I was about to say that it was OK, our mistake, we were leaving when my son pointing at the guy’s large over hanging stomach said “Mummy, why has that man not got a penis?”

Of course, me being me and just speaking without thought replied “He has darling, it’s under his belly”

Huge German guy turned beetroot red (not from the sun and… all over – not that I was looking) and we scurried off, my son giggling like a loon in the process.

OK, OK so I didn’t tell my boy off for being rude and should have but the guy could have put some pants on before coming over brandishing his bratwurst … or not.